I want a face full of frown lines and weariness and cream-colored teeth that, frankly, tells stupid and venal people to FUCK OFF. I want a face that drawls — possible in the voice of James Cagney, although Cagney from Cagney & Lacy will do — “I’ve seen more recalcitrant toddlers/devious line managers/steep mountain passes/complicated dance routines on Parappa the Rapper/bigger sums that you’ll ever see in you life, sunshine. So get out of my special chair and bring me a cheese sandwich.
Lines and grayness are nature’s was of telling you not to fuck with someone — the equivalent of the yellow-and-black banding on a wasp, or the markings on the back of a black widow spider. Lines are your weapon against idiots. Lines are your “KEEP AWAY FROM THE WISE INTOLERANT WOMAN” sign.
welcome to the weeaboo athletics. our first event will be the 400m naruto run
I’m stuck between wanting:
1. A long lasting relationship with my soulmate who supports me and protects me and is my partner and we are completely bad ass together and in love
2. Wanting to have casual sex and rip out the heart of everyone person I meet
3. Being independent and having a loyal dog while I’m married to my career
When my mom’s out in public, she sends me pictures of lesbians she sees.
Jesus I envy that relationship.
this is like the time when my mum took me bra shopping and the girl measuring me up was a lesbian and my mum said to me “i’ll go take a walk around the shop so you can talk to this nice young girl” and gave me a look as if to say “chat her up”.
My mum tries to push me towards cute possibly gay girls and then disappears. She did it in Primark once and I found her hiding behind a pile of knickers, watching me.
i love all of your moms
When I was 17 I was convinced I was in love with the check out girl at the grocery store 5 minutes away from our house, so my dad went to get milk and somehow found an appropriate point in the conversation while buying a half gallon of milk to give her my number. Three days later she called me and asked if I wanted to come over “to watch a movie” and long story short my dad got me laid thanks dad.
That last story is worth reblogging